Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday to cook for, even though I have a household of vegetarians*. Because we’re captive audiences at this important meal, it can be hard to maintain boundaries. The four words “Did you hear about…” can signal an upcoming storm when you’re surrounded by people with different political views.
I recommend learning and practicing the Grey Rock technique to help diffuse conflict. It’s based on operant conditioning (positive and negative reinforcement); Feed the good behavior and starve the bad. Specifically, we starve that bad behavior of attention by being really, really boring (like a gray rock).
Here’s how it works.
Annoying person says something provoking.
You avert your eyes, make minimal sound of comprehension.
You return your attention when the conversation shifts to something else.
See a demonstration in my Instagram reel.
The annoying person learns that they can’t goad you into an argument, nor can they enjoy seeing you riled up and upset. If they’ve been unintentionally bringing up distressing topics, then they will soon learn which ones result in a positive and engaging response from you.
Start practicing now for a more enjoyable time with family in the Fall.
*Side note: everyone always asks what vegetarians eat for Thanksgiving. We do a vegan chili instead of turkey. Recipe below
Julie’s Easy Vegan Chili Recipe
Ingredients:
2 tbsp cooking oil (something that can work at a high heat, like avocado or vegetable)
2 onions, finely chopped
3 green peppers, finely chopped
3+ cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 tbsp chili powder
½ tsp cumin
¼ tsp cayenne (or more, if you like spicy food)
Freshly ground pepper and salt, to taste (we like a lot)
1 28- or 32-oz can petite diced tomatoes
2 28- or 32-oz cans crushed tomatoes
2 cans black beans, rinsed and drained
2 cans dark pinto beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup frozen corn
Directions:
Heat oil in skillet over medium heat. When hot, cook onion and green pepper for about 3 minutes, until onion begins to soften. Add garlic and cook a couple of minutes more.
Add spices (chili powder, cumin, cayenne, salt and pepper), and cook while stirring for about 30 seconds. Add the corn and stir for another 30 seconds.
Put all this in a crockpot, add everything else, then forget about it for a few hours.
Ta da! It’s so healthy that you can safely add tons of yummy things, like sour cream, cheese, avocado, potato chips, cilantro, etc.